The Top 3 Ways Successful Women Undermine Their Success

As women, we've come a long way in the workplace and society. More and more women are achieving great success in their careers, achieving leadership positions, and being able to influence in ways we could not in the past. However, even the most accomplished and talented women can sometimes unknowingly undermine their success. Here are the top three ways this can happen at work and at home.

1. Apologizing As a Primary Response

Many successful women apologize frequently, even for things that don't warrant an apology or have nothing to do with them.  Some use “I’m sorry” before asking a question.  Saying "I'm sorry" before giving an opinion or asking a question makes you seem less confident and undermines your authority.   Also, apologizing when someone else is feeling bad, has experienced pain, or has been wronged by someone else, or a decision is unnecessary and inappropriate.  This might seem like a “nice” or polite thing to do, but in reality, it is caretaking and might also be you feeling “less than.”   It's important to be mindful of when an apology is truly warranted versus when you're just shrinking back unnecessarily.

At work, this can make you appear unsure of yourself and your abilities, causing colleagues and superiors to doubt your competence.

At home, constantly apologizing to your partner or family members can leave situations unresolved and might be an inaccurate reflection of what you want to say.  

Instead of apologizing, when the situation doesn’t require you to say you are sorry for something, try using more confident language to help everyone move forward:

Original: 

“I’m so sorry he said that to you in front of everyone.  That must feel terrible.  What will you do next?”

Alternatives:

“I can see you’re feeling unhappy with the way that situation ended.  Let’s talk about what you need to move forward.”

OR

“So, that was uncomfortable. After you have time to recover from the interaction with X, let’s talk about how we can get this situation back on track.  We have a meeting next week, and with some planning, I think you can lead us back into the discussion in a way that is productive.”

2. Downplaying Accomplishments

Successful women are often humble to a fault.  You may shy away from the truth of your achievements and not take full credit for your contributions. While it's important to be gracious and recognize the team effort, you also need to be comfortable owning your successes.

At work, downplaying your accomplishments can prevent you from getting the recognition and advancement opportunities you deserve. Your boss or colleagues may not fully appreciate the value you bring.

At home, being reluctant to share your wins with your partner or family can make you seem less confident and secure in your abilities.

Make a conscious effort to speak up about your accomplishments, both big and small. Balance how you talk about situations.   Share your wins proudly, and don't be afraid to advocate for yourself when it comes to things like raises, promotions, or new responsibilities.

3. Putting Results, People & Tasks Above Your Well-Being

Many successful women tend to prioritize the needs of others - whether it's colleagues, family members, or friends, and their work/business - over their own needs.  While being caring and supportive is an admirable quality, it can become problematic when it comes at the expense of your own well-being and professional advancement.

At work, always being the superhero overachiever that gets sh*t done, volunteering for the least desirable tasks, taking on more than your fair share of the workload, or neglecting to advocate for your own needs can prevent you from focusing on your own career goals and reaching your full potential.  It also eventually leads to anger, burnout and self-sabotage.

At home, constantly putting your partner's, children's, or parents' needs first can lead to resentment, the erosion of your own identity and independence, and sending the wrong signals to your family members about their responsibilities.

It's important to find a healthy balance and set boundaries. Don't be afraid to say no when you're at capacity. Delegate tasks when possible. Schedule time for self-care activities that recharge and rejuvenate you. Your success and well-being should be just as much of a priority as supporting the people in your life.

Overcoming these tendencies to undermine our success is an ongoing process, but being mindful of these patterns is the first step. By eliminating unnecessary apologies, proudly owning your accomplishments, and prioritizing your own needs, you can maximize your chances of achieving the success you deserve - both in the workplace and in your personal life.

If you found this blog post helpful and want more tips and strategies for being the best version of yourself in all areas of your life, be sure to check out my YouTube channel and Spotify’s Deep Work Fast podcast. Subscribe now and join me each week as we explore ways to maximize your success and live your most fulfilling life.