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Do you find yourself daydreaming or scrolling social media, wishing you were somewhere else, doing something else?
Are you tired of feeling half in and half out?
Have you ever regretted what you did or said, knowing you were not honest about what you wanted?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s time for you to consider what you want in all aspects of your life and commit to living fully.
This might be a foreign concept for you if are used to people pleasing and living in situations that don’t make you happy. Many people settle for work and relationships that are “fine” while dreaming of what could be. There is another way, and it requires that you make different choices. To make different choices, your heart and head need to be in alignment. Living in alignment and choosing what can make you happy and fulfilled is called coherence.
The concept of coherence (when thoughts, feelings, and actions are in complete alignment), is a foundation for living a happy, deeply satisfying, and fulfilling life. By understanding and implementing this age-old wisdom, we can unlock our true potential and influence our personal and professional lives positively.
The concept of aligning thoughts, words, and actions is grounded in the understanding that these elements are intricately linked. Our thoughts shape our perceptions and beliefs, while our words and actions express our inner world externally. When these aspects are in alignment, called coherence, we experience congruence and authenticity, leading to greater effectiveness in all areas of life.
Clarity of Purpose
Your life’s purpose lives in your heart. Most of us have been taught that our brain is where all the important stuff is---being smart, practically directing our life decisions, being rational, storing/accessing memories and data, and much more. While the brain is essential to our functioning and our ability to live our lives, by itself it is not enough. It needs to work in concert with our heart. When we trust only our mental activity and opinions, we get stuck in situations where our heart is not fully connected---so it feels “half-hearted” or blah. We get no “juice” or yumminess from the experience. Our deepest knowing, what we truly love, our motivations, and our destined path live in our hearts. Your brain (subconscious) may be where dreams are generated, but it is in your heart that they gain momentum and come to life.
When you align your thoughts to the clarity in your heart, it is very powerful. What is interesting is that most people find it difficult to do this. When you have built a life on duty, action, and doing things your family or spouse want you to do instead of what your heart desires, you are living out of alignment. This clouds your ability to live authentically and results in a life of half-hearted experiences and relationships. This coherence assists us in making informed decisions and taking deliberate actions that contribute to our overall growth and success.
Manifesting Dreams and Goals
Manifesting. I don’t love that word lately. It seems it is all over the internet and often being misused in service to marketing and sales of shallow processes and products. To manifest simply means to make something clear to the eye or mind. When we align our thoughts (mind) and deep feelings (heart) we start to bring our wild thoughts and dreams into form--- connecting to what we want (goals). This alignment acts as a powerful catalyst in bringing those goals and dreams to life in our physical reality. This coherence helps us maintain focus, overcome challenges, and achieve our aspirations. When your thoughts and feelings are not aligned you will probably feel confused, torn, or limited.
Integrity in Communication
Another level of coherence is aligning what you SAY (words) to your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Action is experienced in both what you DO and through your WORDS. Aligning your WORDS with your thoughts (mind), feelings (heart), and actions (what you do/say) fosters integrity and builds trust in relationships. When you speak and act according to your true beliefs and values, you are perceived as genuine and reliable. This authenticity strengthens connections, encourages collaboration, and enhances your personal and professional reputation. It also feels good! You most likely have experienced moments when your words didn’t match your actions. You may not have been intentionally lying, but you also may not have spoken your full truth or maybe you didn’t have all the information, so you held back or stayed silent. This most likely created some level of guilt, shame, or sadness inside you. Humans are designed to speak the truth! So, when we can’t or don’t, our body can’t help but “feel” it in some way. Aligning your thoughts with your words, and your words to your actions ensures that your messages are clear, coherent, and persuasive. This alignment allows you to convey your ideas authentically and effectively, enabling deeper connections with others.
How will you know it is working?
When you are starting to shift consistently into alignment you will feel:
Calm – you will feel sensations of peace, ease, and grace.
Emotional Balance – less questioning yourself or feeling regret, sadness, anger, and guilt.
Mental Clarity – you will be clear about what you are doing and why.
More Committed in the Present Moment – when you are living the Full F*ck Yes, you will know you are exactly where you should be RIGHT NOW…instead of wishing you were somewhere else, feeling restless, bored, or daydreaming.
Less Need for Numbing/Coping – when you are in coherence you won’t need the scrolling. Porn, alcohol, pot, etc. You may still choose to do all the things you like to do, but you won’t need them as an escape from a reality you are trying to avoid.
When you are in a state of coherence, there is a harmonious connection between your mind and body. This alignment is often felt as a sense of calm, clarity, and vitality, allowing you to respond to situations with confidence and ease. Physically, your heart rate and breathing become regulated, promoting optimal functioning, and reducing stress levels. Conversely, when you are out of coherence, you experience tension, such as shallow breathing, muscle tightness, or fatigue. This dissonance can create a sense of unease or anxiety, impairing your ability to concentrate and engage meaningfully with those around you. Recognizing these physical signals is vital; it enables you to recalibrate and restore coherence, paving the way for improved well-being and authentic interactions.
Applying Coherence in Different Roles
My mission is to help you be your best in all the roles you are in, at work and at home. Let’s look at how coherence plays out in a few common roles adults play:
As a Partner
In relationships, coherence can deepen your connection with your partner. Ensure that your actions match your words and feelings. Use your words to express clarity of thought connected to your authentic truth. If you feel love and respect, let your behavior and words reflect that. Open and honest communication is key. When conflicts arise, approach them with a mindset of understanding and alignment, rather than reacting impulsively. This will build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
As a Leader
Leading a team requires a clear vision and consistent actions. When your thoughts about leadership align with your feelings and actions, you create an environment that fosters trust and respect. This is “safe” for your team members to also be aligned - knowing what to do based on truth instead of pressure or politics, why they should do it, and then doing it! Be transparent in your communication, make decisions that reflect your core values, stated strategies, and mission, and show empathy towards your team. This coherence will inspire your employees and lead to a more harmonious workplace.
As a Parent
Parenting is one of the most challenging roles, requiring patience, empathy, and consistency. Align your parenting approach with the values and intentional thoughts that you wish to instill in your children. If you value kindness and integrity, demonstrate these qualities in your actions. If you value truth speaking instead of secrets, drama, and hidden agendas, speak truth often in ways that feel normal and neutral. Children are perceptive and learn more from WHAT you do and HOW you do it, than what you say. Coherence in parenting fosters a secure and nurturing environment for your children to thrive.
Overcoming Challenges to Coherence
Achieving coherence is not always easy. Life's complexities can create situations where alignment seems impossible. Here are some strategies to overcome these challenges:
Set Clear Intentions: Begin each day by setting clear intentions for how you want to think, feel, and act. This practice can guide you in maintaining alignment throughout the day.
Manage Stress: High-stress levels can disrupt coherence. Incorporate stress management techniques such as deep breathing, exercise, or hobbies to maintain your balance.
Stay Flexible: Life is unpredictable, and flexibility is crucial. Allow yourself to adapt without losing sight of your core values and goals. Being too rigid can lead to further misalignment.
Continuous Learning: Embrace a mindset of continuous learning and self-improvement. Attend workshops, read books, and engage in activities that enhance your self-awareness and emotional intelligence. This ongoing development will help you maintain coherence in various aspects of your life.
Establish Boundaries: Clear boundaries are essential for maintaining coherence. Know your limits and communicate them effectively. This helps in preventing burnout and ensuring that your actions are aligned with your well-being.
Practice Gratitude: Focusing on gratitude can shift your mindset from stress and negativity to positivity and alignment. Regularly acknowledging what you are thankful for can help in maintaining emotional balance and coherence.
As you navigate the complexities of your personal and professional realms, striving for alignment among your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions remains paramount. Embrace these practices diligently and witness the profound impact they can have on your journey toward success.
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